Ct 4:

It’s been a while since I wrote anything here, but since no one seams to read my page I guess it doesn’t matter. Well thats not what I’m gonna write about. My last post was about my drunken episode in Belgium, eaven though it was supposed to be about me missing my brother, well this time I guess you know what I’m gonna write about.

I am in this girl groupe at school, well we’re good friends and have been since the 5th grade, but all the drama takes up my time. There is this one girl that I like to call the queen B, not because she is,but because she thinks she is. If we say anything it’s like she wants us to ask her for her permission. We can only dream of haveing our one oppinions, what she says is right, what we say is wrong. Well I am to be frank, sick of this! She is not eaven that good of a friend, she borows money and doesn’t give it back, she spreads false roumors and couldn’t keap a secret eaven if I gave her 1000 kr to shut up.  The thing is I would rather be in this group than be alone.

well I’m gonna figure this out in a way.

My summer of Love!

This summer has been great!

I have met so many people. I went to visit my bf in Drøbak for the summer and there I met this boy. Well earlier this summer I would never have done what I did.

Ct 3

I guess if you have read what i have written, then you probably know by now that the pictures I leave at the bottom of every chapter is an introduction to the next chapter. Well the last picture said that ”I’m not drunk! I am by nature a loud ,friendly, clumsy person”well this statement is not quite true. It leads me to a story which I am not very proud of.  One of my last nights in Belgium my friends and I were going downtown Mons,Belgium. We were mostly Norwegians but I think the whole high school thought that this night was a good night to go out. It all started at my best friends house(lets just call her BF). My bf , LW and I decided to get the party started at my bf’s house. Her parents didn’t mind so we got a bottle of champagne to start of. Some houers went by and we drank  at least a bottle of champagne each but we were ok, just a bit tipsy(well I was) and I had this great idea, I called my dad to ask him if he could be so kind to drive us to Mons. My dad was willing to drive and said he would be at bf’s house in 10 minutes  so we got ready. I was dressed up in in a leather jacket that I bought in Brussels earlier that eavning and my favourite high heals(of course i wore more than that but nothing else is worth  mentioning). When my dad came I asked him if I couldn’t stay out longer that 1:00, I said that there had been no problem with me drinking befour(a lie of course) and that he should trust his only doughter. Well he shouldn’t  have trusted me, just to put it like that. I was fine the first houre and the second, but when three houres had gone bye I was wasted. I Found out somewhere between the first and the second houre that C. had a girlfriend. It hurt so much especially since this was one of the last nights that I could tell him how I felt. As alcoholics do I drowned my self in shots of all kinds and it didn’t end that good. We all got thrown out of the bar, and I was running all over the place looking for C. to say goodbye for the fifth time that night. Finaly I ended up sitting on a bench crying my eyes out while my bf sat with me trying to console me, at this time the clock was ticking fearly near 1:00 and I was in no state to go home to my dad. Bf fixed it all and I spent the night over at her house, and I am so embaressed about the way the night ended. Lw’s mom picked us up in Mons and I was still crying my eyes out, when we turned in to bf’s driveway I puked in their car. I wasn’t finished pukeing untill 4 in the morning and bf cleaned me,my puke of the floor and she put my brand new leather jacket(covered in  puke of course) and my favourite high heals(that I managed to break the heals of) in bags outside their house. Te next morning I was still drunk I had a headache the size of France and I just wanted to bury my head in the ground and never come up.

This leads me to another part of my life. An Important person in my life, and yes it’s my twin brother. Eventhoug I have done alot of stupid things in my life, my brother takes the cake when it comes to being drunk and all that comes with it. I dont know how many times I have had to cover for him, say that it was my fault and he had nothing to do with it. I didn’t see that this could have any  consequenses, well not serious ones. I love my brother to death but when he feels helpless I am helpless. The state that he is in now is terrible… It has just gone down hill since I left him with my dad and the rest of the Adams family. There is nothing I can do to help or anyone else for that matter. He has to be his own judge and that is hard for me to accept. I miss him so much, we have allways been best friends and it’s hard only getting to see him once or twice a year.

oh well.. at least I have a brother:)

You know among your friends it is destened that you have sertain types like the bitch in the gang. Well the bitch Im going to write about is a bitch with a cappital B. The thing is that she is ruining my life.

Ct 2

You know The last picture on the first chapter page well it said true love waits. I wonder why true love has never waited for me, why I allways have to run away from true love or more correct move away from true love. As you all know by now, I am only 17 but I’ve had my share of boys. None of them possible to say that they loved me back. What is so scary about the word LOVE? To mean it is a different thing, but just saying it can’t be that difficult. I said I love you to the first of my chosen ones when I was like 6 years old and I sat there waiting for him to either throw clay at me or say that he loves me to, of course he threw the clay in my face and ran strait to his mom. God am I glad I’m not dateing him now, I think he still does it the same way as he did back then.  But they all weren’t that bad, a boyfriend I had when I was about 15( Lets just call him TL)  always looked after me and bought me flowers I really thought he was my one and only. I gave him my heart, my virginety, my money and all the time that I had. One day I found out that he had a thing for girls who were brunettes and had big boobes and I wasn’t his one and only to say the least. Years went by befour I found a new victim, well not years but a year. When I moved to Belgium I found the most perfect boy. He was elegant, Italian, beautiful, and he really knew how to treat a lady. We had the best of times together and memories that would last a lifetime. I thought we would spend the rest of our lives together befour i found out that I was leaving Belgium the up- comming summer. My heart was broken and so was his. When I came home I got an e-mail from him, I got several. But this was the most special:

Amo! it’s been too long since the last time we got to talk a little and i just thought that this could be a perfect occasion to say hi! well…. first i wanted to say……. Haaaaaapppppyyyyy B-DAY!!!!!
now that u are gettin’ older maybe u’ll end up being even nicer then
before… well… everything’s ok? u gotta tell me something about the b-day
some day… it’s just that i miss u so much… i can’t stop thinking of u
and i even started to dream about u every night…. u are killing me
baby!!!things are not the same without u around… they are really not… i
just wish u were here with me, i really hoped it would be possible…
everytime i see your brother i hope ur still here and now that i have a car, i
always go pass ur old house and i hope u are there… well… i just don’t
know what to say more than that i really miss u and i hope the best for u and ur future on your birth day…always yours

I Love you
C.

Leaving this boy is the hardest thing I have ever done, and I was the most stupid girl. I told him I got a new boyfriend in Norway, I wanted him to move on because I was hurting and I didn’t want him to hurt. It was simply impossible to forget him, everywhere I turned there was something that reminded me of him. I couldn’t even look at a car without reminding myself that there was a unbelievable boy sitting in Belgium who loved me as much as I loved him and I was blinded by the fact that I was never gonna see him again. Which was so far away from the truth. I knew I had to see my father in Belgium one day, but I didn’t think it would be that soon. When I went to Belgium I hadn’t even thought about C but when I did see him all I could think about was him. He looked so good smelled even better and his smile melted my heart. I only saw him for a second or two but that was enough I knew that Love had taken my heart and givven it to him. The redjection part was worst. I found out that he had a girlfriend in Italy, he found her right after I told him I had a boyfriend i Norway. Well I guess in Love everything is possible but i doubt that I am getting my heart back.

ct 1

I guess you really start to think about who you are when something big happenes, like when you get ur first bra or bike or whatever was a big deal for you when you were a kid. I’m not saying thats when you first start to think about who you are, but when this ends, this exciting fealing you get that puts a smile on your face, you start to think that everything is gonna go to hell. I know i did when i was 12, my parents told my twin brother, my big sister and me on christmas eve that they were getting a divorce. I was wondering if it was my fault, and then I asked myself who am I? who am I going to be if I am so terrible that my own parents split up because I am so impossible. Well I was a dramatic young girl and this moment still hangs over me I’m not a failure or anything but I have failed my dad in a way. You know how it feals when you’re a little girl, you are either daddy’s little girl or mommy’s but when you get to those years when you start to party and hang out with the ”cool gang” you allways chose the parent that says yes. In my case this was my mom, she was easy to please and a smile would melt her.I love my mom over the top but when it comes to my dad I think the teenage girl thing kind of scared him away. I’ve moved around allot with my dad, I’ve lived in Oslo in Belgium and other small places in Norway that you’ve probably never heared about. I knew that if my parents would ever split up (which they did), I would live whith my dad whereever it might be. But I allways imagined that It would be only my dad and myself, not with a bitch whose 10 years older than me. I imagined everything would be perfect. I was gonna get whatever i wanted with only a smile like my mom allways melted of. But Perfect was an overstatement. It was’nt even nice to live with my dad. He never had any time left over for me, and the only time we had to say hello to eachother was in the morning. The Bitch who moved in with my dad with two little brats , she got pregnant with my dad and the time my dad and I had time to say hello to eachother in the morning turned into no time at all. I was 15 then and my only comfort was the cancer stick’s I smoked every day just so that I could get some attention when i came home after school  the whole appartment with clothes smelling like an ashtrey. After a while I didn’t bother to try anymore. The siggarets were no longer a way to get attention, they were now a necessary outcome.My addiction if that is what i can call it, forced me to get a job and well at 15 there weren’t  a lot of job offeres hanging around every corner, so I just got the one job that I knew I had a chance of getting as a BURGER KING  co-worker. My income was 150 dollars or as I would say 1000 kr a month even though i worked every week every second day for 6  hours.

 I guess a summary of my life isn’t what you want to read but guess what, I have nothing else to write about.